This may explain my absence as of late. Expect my return shortly. :)

Everly Mae,

My 9 month old girl. Wow. You have two teeth, your hair is filling out and is a strawberry blonde color, you feed yourself, and your crawling and climbing skills are getting better daily. You are a big girl!

Okay... so to me you're a big girl. Really you weigh about 15.5 pounds and you're almost 26 inches long. Technically - you're really tiny for a 9 month old. But we are really tiny, too. So you fit into the family just right... there is no question that you're ours. You have my huge head (yay) and eye color, and just about everything else belongs to your daddy, if I'm going to be honest. Here is a picture of when we all were babies:

Hilarious.

You love your mirror book, your Kentucky pom pom, your play kitchen, eating paper of any kind, eating dog food (discovered this yesterday), when I get you out of your carseat after a long trip, food of any kind, drinking water from your straw sippie cup, bath time, twisting and twirling your tongue in odd ways, other babies and kids, and your tiny naked baby doll that used to be mine. You also learned how to growl recently and you do it after we do and it's hilarious, you love showing off. Your sense of humor gets stronger every day.

You dislike when someone tries to make you do something you don't want to, laying down to take a bottle now, when I leave the room, being told, "No!" and being laid down for sleepy time. I don't know if you'll ever grow out of the last one.

This has been a very difficult last 3 weeks for me, baby girl. I have been very sick and very exhausted. I wake up in the mornings feeling unsteady and queasy, and I go to bed at night feeling tired and overwhelmed. My body cannot go as far as I'm wanting (and needing) it to go right now, and it leaves me feeling frustrated... and frankly I feel like a bad mother sometimes.

You see... ever since you were born, my main goal in life has been protecting you, entertaining you, teaching you, nourishing you, and keeping you happy. But I can't do that as well lately, and it's hurting me a little bit. And I can't do that because I'm having to put effort into something else now...



A little baby, just like you, only much smaller.

You're going to be a big sister, sweet girl!

And we're scared to death. We knew we wanted babies to fill our home, but we had no idea that God would want those babies to be exactly as far apart as your daddy and his brother - 17 months, to be exact. When we found out, we joked anxiously and it took about a week or so for it to really hit us... that we were about to go on this ride all over again. And as exciting as it is, the ride is not always smooth and scenic - sometimes it is bumpy and dark, and it can be very scary. But we know we can do it, because you have shown us our strength, our resilience, and our purpose.

I need you to know something though.

You'll always be my first baby.

You taught me how to be a mother. I need you to know that because of you, I have more faith in God, a better understanding of love, and a happier outlook on life. I need you to know that nothing will ever, ever, ever change the bond we have or the secrets we share. Nothing will ever take me away from you.

I know that's impossible for you to understand right now.

All I can do is whisper into your ear late at night, while I gently push your hair from your face. I can hold you tighter and longer and sing Jack Johnson and Patty Griffin and Guster to you. I can dance with you, spin you in circles, and kiss the bottoms of your feet every day. I can make promises I'll never break.

So that's what I'll do.

And when our new baby comes home later this year, I cannot wait to see your face. I know you'll smile as big as you can. I know you'll be as good of a sister as you are a daughter. I know I'll be giving you someone to hold onto, to play with, and to cling to when times are tough... even when your daddy and I are no longer here. You'll have each other.

Until then, I'm going to soak up every little bit of our time together as a family of 3 (and a half). Because I want you to know that you are loved, and that love doesn't divide - it only multiplies.
To my best little buddy... happy 9 months!

Love, Mama