So I was reading iMom and came across an interesting little article called 13 Danger Signs Your Child is Your Idol. I expected some humorous quips about the fact that you no longer have any pictures of yourself with friends anywhere - they've all been replaced of pictures of your kids, or the fact that you have toddler music on your iPhone, etc. etc.

The article was intended to be serious upon reading, but I found myself raising an eyebrow to a lot of the list's criteria. Out of the 13 "danger signs", here are the ones that confused me slightly & made me feel horrible for the wives of the fathers that shared this information (p.s. no mothers were apparently asked their opinion):

Okay, wait. This means my child is my idol? Can't it just mean that hormones have wreaked havoc on my body? Could it mean that it's hard getting up in the middle of the night with a teething or fussy baby? Could it mean that I don't feel as physically attractive as I used to because I weigh 30lbs heavier and have stretchmarks in strange places?

Exactly. I'm not making an effort on my appearance because I am too tired. It has nothing to do with my child being my idol. It has to do with the physical, emotional, and mental demands that comes with parenting. It takes some women longer than others to adjust to these demands, though eventually most start caring about their appearance again when they're ready.

How do you treat someone like a dad? How do you treat them like a husband? How does that at all relate to your child being your idol? Couldn't it just be because roles are generally confusing for a while after having children?

This one made me laugh out loud. I imagined a woman in an apron, baby on her hip, slaving over a steaming pot of boiling water. You know you're really obsessed with your child when you no longer cook 3 meals per day. I also love that this responsibility is automatically linked with the mother/wife as well, by the way. And I'm assuming the article also implies that this particular mother isn't working?

Listen... I didn't breastfeed so I can't really speak to this one on a personal level. But I'm going to take a wild guess based on stories I've heard that the demands/requirements of breastfeeding are extremely draining and the last thing you need to be worried about is if your husband wants "access" to parts of your body.

Breastfeeding is an important and temporary relationship with your child... feeding the baby comes before your husband's "access" and you should not feel like your child is your idol because you're not letting your husband paw you when you're sore and frustrated.

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Though I understand the importance & Biblical relevance of putting your spouse first and marriage being a higher priority than the children, the reality is that when babies are little, it is almost impossible for a woman to balance all of these expectations. We are starting to become insane about the different roles we expect a woman to fulfill perfectly - giving her lists on how she can improve who she is, throwing Biblical principles in her face to increase the pressure (the article didn't do this, but this is a common theme in many of the Christian family websites I read).

The question I have is that if the mother was really husband-centered, would she be accused of being a bad mom or neglectful because she's not baby-wearing, on-demand breastfeeding, cooking all of the baby's food, taking the baby to story time twice a week, homeschooling, sewing the baby's clothes, reading all the parenting magazines and always updating the baby's nursery?

When do we stop making mothers feel guilty and give them time to come into their own and find a healthy balance between being a mother and wife/partner? Are "danger sign" lists really necessary? What about gentle encouragement and reinforcement? What about a little respect for all of the changes the woman is going through and some understanding that she might not be perfect?

I am going to make my danger signs list entitled, "13 Danger Signs You're Making Things Worse" and hand it out to these guys that came up with this list.

 Now I gotta run... I have meals to prepare and makeup to apply before someone catches me. Oh wait, I forgot... my husband rocks and eats frozen pizza and thinks I'm cute the way I am. Guess I'm one of the lucky ones.