As mothers, we are supposed to brag about our children. In the "old days" (like 10 years ago) moms would keep a few pictures of their babies on their desks at work, maybe a couple in their purse, and if they were really crazy they would tape a small one somewhere on their dashboard in the car. Maybe they'd have a few on their cellphone, or email some out sometimes to friends. That was about the extent of it.

Enter social networking - Types of Parents on Facebook.

Gone are the days of snail-mailing a picture to the baby's grandma who lives hundreds of miles away (it took me months to do this with Everly!) because why buy postage and make a trip to the post office with a new baby when people can instantly see what she's up to 24/7? Because there are some cute seasonal stamps?

Dear Grandma,
Everly is 6 months old. She can roll over and laugh.
She's so big and happy! She loves to eat carrots.
We miss you and love you. Here are 3 pictures.
Love, Us

So before I had kids, I'm going to have to tell you that I got kind of annoyed when all moms posted about was their children. If they had their baby as their profile picture, I was tempted to unfriend them. When they talked about what their baby was eating, how they were sleeping, the cute new trick they learned... I kinda rolled my eyes and passed over it. "Why do they think I care about that?" I'd think to myself, and then stick up a status update about how I was going to go to the movies & then friends were coming over to stay the night.

Fast-forward to pregnancy. I updated about every symptom I was having. Every doctor's appointment. Every movement. It was as if my mind completely forgot about the days where I was annoyed by baby fever, and instead I jumped in headfirst and felt like everyone wanted to know what was up with my growing belly. Newflash: They didn't. But I have good friends (and family) so they always tried to remain enthusiastic. They were probably trying to figure out how many different ways someone can tell you that an ultrasound that looks like an alien blob is magnificently fascinating.

I also did the (common) thing first-time pregnant women do where you take a picture of your belly every week or so and show it off. I love that I thought I was showing before I was even pregnant, basically. Here's a jewel:



I thought I was huge. I remember "waddling" when I walked to & from my car. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Why do first time pregnant mamas do this? Because we love it. And apparently, we are going to force you to pay attention to us.

So yes. Everyone put up with my crap through my pregnancy, and they tried to stay relatively excited for me.

And then came the Everly announcement and it was all over. I caught the feva. I was possessed!



My personal Twitter was themed with baby-related posts. Once again people indulged me, but this was what they were tweeting in their heads:

@kalen Shut up. I don't care about bottle nipples. I care about drinking margaritas and cool clothes.

It is okay, friends. I was there once. I understand.

These days, I upload about 5,000 photos of Everly every other day. I try to stop myself, but it's almost impossible. It allows the people who care to watch her grow up... and the people who don't care continue to try to think of why they ever became friends with me in the first place. :)

And I'm sorry! I really am! It's just... impossible not to talk about our baby. Because she's beautiful & funny & sweet & changes every day and... see? I don't really do anything but take care of her right now, so if I did post any non-baby related updates, they'd be made up... now there's an idea.

Going to South America. No plan. Just taking a backpack and $500. See you guys later! I'll take pictures!

Oh they just asked me to be an extra on The Office. I guess I'll do it if I am done skydiving and swimming with sharks in time.

So here is my admission.

I am an annoying Facebook Mom, filling your news feed with pictures and facts about my daughter. Be strong, my faithful friends, in about 18 years maybe it will slow down.

Are you one of those moms? Come join the message board and meet other pregnant and mothering mamas who might actually hold a shred of interest in discussing every waking moment of your baby's life (and they'll probably compete with you secretly, too).