Everly,

I haven't forgotten your four month letter. It has just taken me a few days to write it all down, considering this past weekend was your first Halloween. But yes, baby girl - it's true! You are four months old, and my oh my - you're a cutie.

You currently love grabbing my nose and putting your fingers in my mouth (as well as your own). A matter of fact, just earlier I was feeding you a bottle and with your eyes half closed, you repeatedly opened and closed your tiny hand on my nose. I laughed a few times but you were completely serious and unamused. It comforted you to squish my nose and shove your hand in my mouth and grab my teeth. You're hilarious already.

You also love pretty much anything daddy says or does, watching Millie walk around and trying to lick her when she kisses you, tasting everything, smiling at people, pouting your lip out before you cry, throwing a big fit when you're ready for nap time, studying people's faces, listening to music (you're quite picky already), and trying to do baby sit-ups.

You hate the wind, being held close when you're tired, getting burped, people talking to you when you're drinking a bottle, and being dressed.

Our popular nicknames for you right now include Pigeon Foot, Sissy, Hedgie, and Sugar Butt.

At your last appointment, you weighed 11lbs and 10oz. You're in the 10th percentile for height and weight, but your head is in the 70th percentile. Honey... I'm sorry... but you inherited my big head. Whether or not you will inherit my *metaphorical* big head is yet to be determined.

Baby girl... you're changing so much. I watch your features intensely as the days keep passing. When you were a newborn, your soft little features were squished together and blurry. As you grow older, it's as if an artist somewhere is defining your face a little more every minute, raising the bridge of your nose one day and perfecting the creases of your eyelids the next. I can see your cheeks puff rounder when you grin, and your eyelashes seem to grow thicker as I watch them. You're pretty. Or as your babysitter Becca said... *the* prettiest.

And your smell. I can't even... do it justice. You are the perfect blend of salty and sweet, like a chocolate-covered pretzel. There is this scent that small children have when they play outside in the warm sun... and that's how your hair smells. The rest of you smells like a blend of sweet milk and baby lotion and salty skin. I breathe you in regularly and feel my stress leave my body as I exhale.

I know when you become a teenager and I show you these letters, you'll probably call me dumb or act like they don't matter to you or fail to understand their significance. And it breaks my heart but I understand. The truth is, a lot of this you won't understand until you have your own babies and while you're rocking them in a dark room, watching the stars outside, you hear them sigh and feel them sink into your body with contentment and trust. In those moments, you will finally have a glimpse into the love your father and I feel for you. You will grasp the complete awe that accompanies the guardianship of another's spirit.

Everly... we love you so deeply. We talk about what you're going to do when you grow up... who you're going to be. We guess you'll have a quick temper like us, but that you'll know how to apologize well & make people laugh if you hurt their feelings. We talk about teaching you how to play guitar... letting you be in pageants if you want... taking you to the library. We fantasize about how many possibilities you have. And that is a priviledge that we can have those daydreams. You are growing up a very blessed girl. That is something I want you to always acknowledge and take very seriously. Always be grateful and help those who have difficulties dreaming because they don't even have a warm place to sleep at night.

My sweet girl. We want you to teach you so many things, but right now we'll just enjoy playing Peekaboo and nuzzling noses. And we'll continue letting you teach us... about humility and strength and responsbility and true love.

You've made us better, Everly. You've healed us and changed us dramatically in these last four months.

We created you and you've continued us.

And it just keeps getting better.