There I was, hand shoved deep in the store freezer, reaching for some Morningstar Veggie Chik'N Nuggets (nom). That's when I heard it:

"MOM! He hit me!!!! Owwwww!!!!"

I briefly looked up to see a young girl, about 7 or 8, with her hand cupping her opposite shoulder. "He hit me again!!!" she whined, obviously annoyed and hurt.

Nothing unusual about that scenario. So I look back, pull my box out of the freezer, and place it in my cart.

And then it happened.

The mom grabbed the boy (about 10-12) by the collar of his jacket, pulled him close, and loudly yelled in his face:

"If you do that again, I am going to embarass you in front of EVERYONE! SHUT UP!" and then she let go of his jacket, rolled her eyes, and the young boy hung his head, scared and ashamed.

I was shocked and disgusted. So were the people around me.

Do I think that crosses the line? Absolutely. Do I think the woman had probably had a very long day with rowdy kids? Most likely. Is there any excuse for an adult to threaten a child with embarassment, while yelling in their face and harshly grabbing them?

No. No. No. No.

This isn't effective. And what's even more frustrating is that the tired, probably over-worked mother thinks she is getting the result she wants because the boy is most likely going to stop out of fear. The problem is that even though the behavior may cease, what emotional issues might she be causing by threatening him, belittling him, yelling at him, and embarrassing him? What message is she sending about hitting or touching other people if she's grabbing him herself and pushing him around? What type of relationship will he have with her? As parents, should we be feared or should we be respected?

We should be careful not to mistake fear for respect. A common example I use is that you can get a dog to stop chewing on your shoes by beating it. It will learn to fear you and your response, so it will stop chewing on your shoes. But does the dog respect you? Will it be loyal? Is it loved and will it love you? Will the dog show issues of anxiety and nervousness? Will it go on to be a happy dog?

Did I just spend an entire paragraph somewhat comparing a child to a dog?

But really. There is a lot of room for creativity and differences in parenting. Not everyone is going to do it the same and shouldn't. But if we begin accepting other parents acting this way we will see a continued cycle of anxiety and behavioral issues in these children when they become adolescents (or even before). And then we will call them awful kids and blow them off thinking they're just a bad seed.

How do we stop this type of parenting behavior?

How would you have responded to that woman? Do you think what she was doing was abuse? What do you think I did?

Come discuss on the message board.