Featured Guest: Reasons I'm Waiting to Get Pregnant
Posted by Kalen on Sunday, February 27, 2011. Filed under: Featured Bloggers, Marriage, waiting to conceive
Stephanie is a friend, a fellow blogger, and a sweet-hearted wife that I had the pleasure of meeting through the internet world. We were "online buds" for a while until we finally met in person and became "real life buds". She is gonna make one hip mama... someday.
Hello Momfish Readers! I'm super excited to have been asked to guest blog here by my wonderful friend and creator of this new website- Kalen. The topic that I want to share my thoughts with you on is a seemingly
controversial one. One that has sort of shocked our friends and family. One that has even raised the eyebrows of a few strangers who've inquired about it. Are you intrigued? Good!But first of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Stephanie and I blog over at Take-Hart. I'm 23 and I live in Kentucky with my husband Nate, who I am excited to say that I will have shared one whole year of marriage with this coming June! Marriage has been wonderful to us so far but (as to be expected) it's also been a little trying at times. Neither of us have ever lived out on our own, not to mention we built a brand new house right before we got married. So we sort of jumped into a lot of financial responsibility very quickly. Which kind of brings me to what I want to talk about...
In my memory it seems like almost immediately after Nate & I got engaged that the questioning began. And once we were married- we were pretty much bombarded. When are you going to have a baby? How many do you want? Do you want them close together? What are your thoughts on breastfeeding?! Okay. I'm exaggerating. But still, when we told everyone that we wanted to wait 4 or 5 years to have our first and possibly only baby- there was usually a pause and then a, “Really? .. Why?” And then followed by that usually some sort of remark about how we will totally change our minds. And who am I to say that we wont? But right now, this is our reasoning.
The first reason: finances. We both have very good and stable jobs but with a brand new house payment, car payments, and all of the other big bills that are so completely new to us– there is little room for error in our budget. Could we afford to have a baby right now? Yes, we could. Would we have to cut out doing pretty much
anything and everything else that we enjoy doing? For sure! And I don't want that to be the case when we do decide to have a baby. Obviously things will change on what we can spend on basically everything no matter what, but if one of us misses a few days of work right now due to being sick or something we can always feel the financial stress. So I can't imagine what that would feel like if we added a baby to the mix. Not to mention, I would love to have the option to stay home with our new bundle of joy if I so desired- something that would just not be feasible at this point in time.Secondly, we want to do things! This sounds selfish but really, it isn't selfish at all. We want to travel a little bit, take small trips with friends, etc. Granted, I don't think that if we had a baby right now that we would feel so horribly tied down and regretful that we didn't get to do a, b, and c before we had kids- BUT – we know that there are things that we do want to do so why not wait a little while and do a few of them?
Another reason: friends. Now, don't get me wrong here. I don't believe that you should worry about anyone but yourself and what you feel is right for you and your own family. But, the thought of being that far ahead of a lot of the people that we spend time with is honestly a little daunting. I'm the kind of girl that likes support and I like to be able to experience things with other people. And I've seen a lot of new mommas out there feeling alone and wishing for more mommy friends because they're now in a completely different chapter of their lives than the friends that they used to spend all of their time with. Which makes complete sense. It's not that having a baby should ruin your friendship with those who aren't parents but it's a big change in priorities and naturally that is going to make a difference. So, I'm hoping by the time that we really start wanting a baby that we have a few more friends that have settled a little bit! If it doesn't happen, it doesn't. But I can always hope!
Proof that we love our Nieces and Nephews aka Other People's Children ;] .. this is old, don't judge our hair.
Lastly, we're still learning about love. Nate and I have been together since 2006 and we are still discovering new things about each other every day. We are still learning how to be selfless with one another and to support each other. I'd say we've learned more about how exactly the other person needs to be cared for in our first few months of marriage than we learned the whole time we were dating. Sometimes it's been really dramatic, but we've come out on the other side of our little arguments/discussions with understanding for next time and not just with the fuel for the next argument. I've learned more about communication vs. “please read my mind and if you don't know what I need I'm going to make you suffer” (that's us ladies!) And he's learned how to be compassionate even when he can't completely understand what's bothering me vs. probing me and telling me to just cheer up already. I feel like we still have a lot to learn though and I'd like to give us time to do that before we try to take on parenting! We're just now figuring out how to take care of each other, ya know?
So, there's my two cents! I'm so completely amazed by the Momma's/couples that have gone straight into parenting after marriage. But I hope that maybe more people will start to see that it's not the only next step and that waiting a while doesn't mean you're not ready or you couldn't do it- but just that you want to take care of yourself and your marriage first so that you can be able to give a hundred percent to your baby when the time comes.
(Now watch me be all, “SURPRISE! I'm pregnant!” in 3 months because I just can't take not having my own Everly with my own cute little cheeks to munch on. And I'll be all, “Sorry ya'll I know my opinion is a big fat fail but it's all Kalen's fault!” .. but until then!)
February 27, 2011 at 1:54 PM
I think it's definitely a good idea to wait for financial and experiences reasons, Steph. Kinda my cup of tea too -- I know I'm expecting a lot of big changes job and moving to a new city wise in the coming two or so years. Plus I really like my lifestyle right now -- it's nice being able to sleep until noon on Saturday if I want to, to go out drinking any night without worrying about who's going to watch my baby, or to be able to go on a weekend trip without worrying about making it kid friendly.
But, yes, people like Kalen and her Everly, or my friends Emi and Travis and their Jack make it hard sometimes to want to wait until later. But like you, I know it'll be a better parenting and childbearing experience with happier parents AND kids if I wait longer.
Good post.
February 27, 2011 at 3:12 PM
ooooeeee girl you're a youngin! i fully agree with your line of thinking. we're definitely from different parts of the country, because i had my babe two weeks shy of my 28th birthday and that was considered young! ;)
enjoy married life just the two of yous, sleep late, travel, try a different job or two, take some classes, watch a whole movie, read a whole magazine/book/cereal box, stay up really really late, take naps, throw parties, speed a little on the highway, spend your money on boots!
plenty of time for delicious babies ;)
February 28, 2011 at 1:06 PM
You're just a spring chicken! You have plenty of time for babies yet! Enjoy your new marriage and life as just the two of you. I'm so glad we have waited awhile so we could write our own stories before adding a new chapter with a third family member :) Fourth if you count our cat... Hehe.
I always wanted to be a young mother but I figure that when our children are teenagers they will think I am totally ancient and uncool no matter what age I am. We're tentatively planning for conceiving later this year, and if things work out when the baby is born we will be 27 and 29, and will have been together for 10 years. I always wondered if I would know when I was ready, because I have always looooved babies, but never felt properly ready. But things really do just start to feel right, you will know when it is time. Sort of... I don't think anyone ever feels 100% ready, do they? Or is that just me, who can't even decide what to make for breakfast!
Some of the things that made us feel ready-er were me getting promoted at work (I will get paid leave and I have a great flexible roster and supportive workplace), plus the government introducing paid maternity leave which will top up the leave I get at work. And having friends our age with babies. There's something about seeing people you have grown up with do an awesome job of becoming parents that makes you realise you can do it too.
February 28, 2011 at 2:23 PM
Thanks for the comments ladies! I was maybe a tiny bit scared I would check the comments here and find a bunch of mommies telling me that I'm just a chicken, vs a "spring chicken" and that I need to go get a bun in the oven ASAP. ;)
But really, I'm glad to know that other people want to wait/have waited too! It's pretty interesting the way that different parts of the country view "the right age" for babies. But I don't really think there's any right age- it's just what's right for you! I know that if I had a baby right now, my Mom would think I was too young. But my MIL would be jumping up and down. Ha. Everyone has a different view.
I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm 100% ready but I know the time will come when I feel more organized and prepared. I still feel like I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached a lot of the time. I want to work on being a little less anxious by the time babies come into the picture for sure! We'll see. =)
February 28, 2011 at 3:17 PM
[...] a super awesome new Momma/Momma-To-Be blog and message board! I wrote a little bit about our reasons for waiting to get pregnant and I’m just excited that I could contribute because I must say that when Kalen announced [...]
March 1, 2011 at 3:06 AM
me and josh are waiters as well. yes, he has two boys that are (almost!) 9 and 8, so we are parents, but not full-time parents, so it really isn't the same at all. we have fun traveling, sleeping in, partying, etc. but we want to have ONE little girl in the future (probably adopting) and people always look at me really crazy when i say that. and then even crazier when i say we want to wait until i'm 30-35. but by then, i will be a Physician's Assistant and Josh will be retired from the Army.. stability is our thang. :) i think whatever works for the couple is the right answer. but you are right, sometimes seeing sweet baby cheeks all over FB makes me want to have one right now!
March 1, 2011 at 7:20 AM
all the power to ya! :) and i'm not just saying that because we're waiting, too. i think that whatever works for you & nate & makes you both happy, is the best option.
right now we're both 27 & both kinda late bloomers. while i have baby fever, i know it's not the right time for us and won't be for awhile. we live with family while i pay off my school loan and our biggest desire right now is to own a house.
once we're on our own, we'll get hitched and see how it goes from there. we've decided that we'll start trying around 33-34. might seem late but i want to enjoy life as just me & us before there's a wee one we're completely responsible for. if it happens before that age, then so be it!
March 1, 2011 at 11:53 AM
That's the boat I'm in too! I want to experience things, finish school, and be extremely cautious, financially. I want to have a big savings so I can be a SAHM too, and not be totally stressed.